First of all, I just want to start out by saying that this post isn't directly related to the Peace Corps so it may bore some people. However, I do feel that it relates.
Tonight was the worst night I have had at work in months. Anyone reading this who knows me well, especially any of my past co-workers at a residential treatment center for teenage girls, knows that I've been thrown into some intense situations, both physically and emotionally speaking. I've been bitten, punched, kicked, pinched, had my hair pulled out. I've been there with kids while they were having flashbacks of abuse that they endured and when they tried to physically harm themselves. I've listened to kids tell me some horrible things that have happened to them. That was in residential treatment though and was something that was more expected in that setting and that people were more prepared for (not that it was easy by any means). These kinds of things aren't common at my current job at a school dormitory for teenagers and young adults.
Tonight one of my students had a complete psychotic break down of some sort in my office. I had seen her earlier in the evening and she had been ok. She had been at the school for months now and had never shown any concerning behavior. She was usually smiling and often offered to help out other students with things. We had talked earlier in the day today and she had been ok.I had just seen her again a few minutes before and she had appeared to be fine. I won't share all of the details of what happened on here, but a short while later she was clearly not ok. She was completely unlike her typical self, and I knew something was wrong, but she was relatively calm and sat in my office and was writing down a report of what was going on because she seemed unable to tell me verbally and based on other things that had happened I suspected what she would tell me would need to be reported. I had thought she was being picked on and was afraid to say something. She was acting a little dazed and saying some odd things, but at the same time did not appear to be under the influence of anything. I have seen many, many teenagers under the influence of various substances and non of the signs were there. I felt safe enough being the only staff there with her because she just seemed sad and afraid and a little confused. She then very quickly went from being completely physically calm to destroying my office. She threw the computer, she threw files and paper work everywhere and broke the window. I was unharmed and was able to get out of the office and yell for help . Another staff blocked the office door, as I got my other students who had been around off of the wing and checked on those who had been afraid and locked themselves in their rooms. The police had to be called. The student's thought process seemed to be becoming increasingly scattered and irrational as she spoke, which lead to strong suspicion that she had taken some sort of drug and that it was just now fully kicking in or there was something else mental health related going on. She was taken to the hospital in handcuffs. She is a smart, kind-hearted girl who had been doing so well, which is what makes this even more disheartening.
Tonight was a reminder to me that when you are working to help people, there are many good and bad things that come along with that. People mess up and even when you care about them and do your best to try to help them, sometimes they make decisions that cause harm to themselves or to others. Not having control over that can feel heartbreaking at times. Then there are the moments that warm your heart though. Tonight when I got back from the break that I was demanded to go on by my supervisors following the incident, I was met by several students asking me if I was ok and wanting to talk about what had happened. They were worried about me and about their peer whom they cared about. The sense of community that was apparent tonight warms my heart. It was hard because I couldn't answer all of their questions about what would happen with their friend because I don't know myself, but I love when my students care about each other.
So yeah. Peace Corps, bring it on. Bring on the good and the bad because this is what it is all about. I want to be a helper even though it can hurt sometimes.
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