I now have two full days left at home before I leave. Today I went to Bangor with my mom and youngest brother, who is 11. My mom and I dropped my brother off at his dance class, and then we were trying to figure out something else to do while waiting. I literally felt disgusted by the idea of going to the mall or any stores that sell clothing because I didn't want to think about or look at clothes at all today. I finally have felt confident with my packing, and I didn't want to risk any second thoughts. We ended up going to one store because I needed a space saving bag for my sleeping bag. It was a store with home supplies in it, and it was strange walking around looking at nice home things and knowing that I do not have a home right now. It made me think about going to Botswana and wonder what it will be like staying with another family and then getting placed in my own home there. I wonder if it will feel like "home" and how long that will take?
After the store my mom asked me if there was anywhere else I would want to go that I would not be able to go to for a while. We then drove to Orono, which is close to Bangor and the town that I went to college in. We drove by my old campus and by some other familiar places. It always feels so weird going back Umaine because even though it has only been a few years since I graduated, some times it feels so long ago, and other times Orono still feels like home. Going there felt bittersweet.
Later, after picking up my brother from his dance class, we tried to think of a place to go to dinner that was "new and exciting" and decided to go to this casino/hotel/ restaurant place to a buffet dinner because I had never been there. The food was good, but my stomach has felt anxious so I couldn't actually eat that much. I had a nice time with my mom and brother though. I had to laugh to myself a little at the fact that one of my last meals with my family for a while was spent at a casino.
Leaving in a couple of days feels very real, exciting, scary, and bittersweet right now. I think it is feeling the same way to my family and friends who have been asking me more questions and checking in with me a lot. I love and appreciate them, and sometimes it is hard because I do not have the answers to all of their questions because I do not know the answers myself yet. I can't wait to learn more about Botswana and be there to experience everything for myself. I hope that I love it as much as I think that I will. I hope that I make some sort of difference there. I hope that I do feel at home at some point and that I meet lots of wonderful people like I think I will.
And here is a poem that represents how I feel about my friends and family that an amazing friend of mine shared with me recently. Thank you everyone.
The Time We Spend Together Means Everything To Me
One quality of our relationship
That I deeply cherish
Is our natural ability
To enjoy and appreciate
The time we have
To spend with one another.
When you are present,
The fun and happy moments
Come so freely,
Because we are never trying
To force an emotion.
When you are absent,
I cannot help but miss you,
Yet the quality
Of our time spent together
Leaves me feeling
Warm, happy, and content.
For all the times we have,
Please continue to be yourself,
Because that is the person
I admire, respect, and love,
For yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Poem written by Scott McCormish
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