Yesterday I witnessed something that has made me think a lot about Botswana and the HIV pandemic here. To go grocery shopping I either have to go to a village an hour and a half East of me or an hour and a half West of me. Usually I am lucky because I'm able to ride in the clinic ambulance to go get my groceries. Normally the ambulance leaves fairly early, by 9am or so at the latest. Yesterday I knew something was going on because we were waiting for a long time at the clinic before leaving. I asked one of the nurses what was happening, and she told me we were waiting on a patient from one of the even smaller villages nearby to get there. The patient we were waiting on was a baby who I would guess was between the age of 15 months and 18 months old. She was being carried in her mother's arms and looked very thin, was coughing very hard, struggling to breath, and shaking. The mother was tearful. I don't know for sure, but it is quite possible that this baby had TB or was HIV positive or both.
When I realized that this very sick looking baby was going to be riding in the back of the ambulance for an hour and a half ,I felt very scared for her because an hour and half before getting to the hospital seemed like far too long. Nobody was speaking the entire ride there. I couldn't keep my eyes off of this baby and kept thinking about what I would do if she suddenly were to stop breathing. I knew I would breath for her if I had to and that I would yell and bang on the window to get the attention of the driver to pull over so the nurses in the front seat could help.The silence the entire way there other than the baby's wheezing and coughing was horrible. I wanted to say something to the baby's mother to comfort her. I wanted to do something to make this baby better. I didn't know what to say. When we got there all I could think to say was "I hope your baby gets well soon", which sounded so lame and pointless in my head later.
My day of errands didn't go very well. My atm card got stuck in the only atm machine. I got it back after speaking with a few different people at the bank and filling out paper work. I didn't have very much money because I wasn't then able to use my card to get money out and the bank in that village is not my bank so I couldn't withdraw cash in the bank itself. My bank had my card turned off so I have to deal with that. It was stressful and annoying, but it was so very small of a problem compared to what that baby and mother were dealing with. At home, I know I would have stressed out more about my card and worrying about not having money to get food. It made me feel so stupid that I would ever have gotten so stressed about something so ridiculous. I was able to get some food to get by for the next week, and I know I'll deal with the rest later and will not starve.I don't know how that baby is or how her mother is doing. I don't know if she has HIV or TB or both. I wish I could say that I know this baby will be ok, be HIV and TB negative, and have food to eat always, but I have no idea.
I have known that HIV is still impacting the lives of people here, but somehow it now feels more real. It makes me want to yell at people and say "HIV still is a big deal here! It is not ok to engage in risky behavior and think it is ok!" I know that yelling at people isn't the solution, but I don't get how people can see a child so sick and not see how big of a deal this is. I know that there are people who do see this, care, and who are taking actions to help. I think about the PACT kids here in my village, and I see that they care and want to help their peers and to protect themselves. Thinking of them makes me feel less upset and frustrated.
I am not glad that the baby was sick or that any child ever gets that sick, but I am glad that I was there and saw this because I feel that seeing things that are hard to see is important if it makes them more real.
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