Something that I'm learning here is that my days are often not easy to define as "good" or "bad".. I can have a day when everything is going wonderfully, and then the crap will hit the fan so to speak 5 minutes later. Sometimes it is because of something totally out of my control happening, and sometimes that is very frustrating.Yes, disappointing things happen at home too because life isn't free of disappointment anywhere, but for some reason it feels harder here at times.It is difficult to explain.
Today I was having a GREAT day. I showed the guidance counselor who is officially in charge of the JSS PACT club the slide show that I helped the students make, and he was impressed. We had a really great talk about how hard the students worked on it and how proud of them we both were.We even planned out a PACT club party for next week to send off the Form 3s who are finishing school. I then went back the clinic to talk to a couple of the nurses and found out that the Internet was back after being out for a couple of days. I got to work on planning a substance abuse talk for the primary school students in the comfort of my own home, while happily listening to some Michael Jackson and eating my lunch. Then I got to give the substance abuse talk and play soccer with a bunch of primary school kids. I even got the girls and boys to play soccer TOGETHER today, which if you read my previous soccer blog entry you know is kind of a big deal. I left the soccer game feeling pretty good.
Then the crap hit the fan. I stopped by the clinic to use the Internet because I wanted to talk to my family. Today is my youngest brother's birthday so I figured it would be nice to check in with them and see how things were going. I have known that things at home have been difficult because my parents are going through a divorce, and I've been dealing with that in my own way here as well, and for the most part I've been dealing with it pretty well.. For reasons that I can't explain, hearing more details about home from my family today hit me harder than it normally has. Maybe it was because today is my brother's 12th birthday, and I just wanted to talk about happy things or maybe I just wasn't as strong today for some reason. I don't know. All I know is that I miss them so much, and I want more than anything to be able to "fix" things at home. I know I can't and am working on letting that go, but this is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever had to try to accept in my life.
All of that being said, I still want to be here. I know that everything will eventually be ok, which is what everyone at home keeps telling me as well. In the meantime I just need patience, funny tv shows, and some chocolate.
Oh siame
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